Dumbest bank robbers ever set entire stash of bills on fire
marketwatch.com by MichaelKaplan June 3, 2017
Take, for example, a couple of aspiring bandits from Everett, Wash. They reportedly attacked an ATM machine with a blazing blowtorch.
As hoped, hot flames did get them through the metal barrier designed to protect the machine’s stashes of cash. But once they hit pay dirt, they met a surprise: $20 bills burn pretty easily.
Their entire haul went up in smoke as they fled the scene, Vice reports.
At least those idiots kept their outlandish garb in the closet. A couple of 1970s-cheeze-culture-loving fools paid tribute to Rick James and the blaxploitation flick “Superfly” during a job in Indianapolis.
The men dressed as Rick James and Super Fly didn’t enter Advance America bank in Indiana on September 15th looking for candy. They entered the bank with a note to the bank teller that said, ” Give It To Me, Baby”. Like smooth criminals, the men walked out with a large undisclosed amount of cash.
One dressed as James, the other got all duded up as the “Super Fly” character Youngblood Priest — and, for awhile, it worked: They got the money, pulled off two more heists (though only “Rick James” remained in costume) and became Internet sensations, GQ reports.
Their fourth holdup, however, was interrupted by police officers — and a superfreaky car chase, at speeds exceeding 100 mph, ensued. (They were found guilty in federal court of conspiracy to commit robbery and attempted bank robbery earlier this year, according to USA Today.)
Living in Canada, apparently, does not make people smarter about busting into money-spewing devices. Two of our neighbors to the north had the bright idea of taking down a strip club’s ATM by bulldozing their way inside with a pickup truck, chaining the cash machine to their bumper and dragging it home. (An aside: This particular strip club does double duty as a church.) They did manage to pull the ATM loose — but they also made such a racket that local tenants called the police.
As authorities arrived on the scene, these goofballs gunned their engine and attempted a speedy getaway. The chain tethered to the ATM broke and the thieves disappeared, leaving behind $100,000 worth of damage and a battered ATM machine. As the strip club’s manager told Vice, “they’re literally [dragging the ATM] like a sled down the street.”
Speaking words that the world’s dopiest stickup artists can all relate to, the strip-club supervisor understatedly told Vice, “It didn’t go their way.”
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